February 3, 2014

In a funk...time to reset.

I'm not really sure where this post is going to go so hang in there with me. It was also hard to publish this because it's personal but something about writing it out helps.  I'm having one of those days where I dreaded getting out of bed. And I want to cry a little and have a pity party for myself. No, it's not that time of the month, ladies.  I have this personality where I am slightly self-destructive and focus on the unreasonable and ignore the reasonable logic for things.

I had a weekend that started off pretty well with a midnight Brooks launch party of their new shoe (more on that later) and a nice little run followed by a few beers. Then I woke up early for an unusually warm run with my friends. We did 10 miles but the second half of the run I was feeling discouraged. We were settling into a faster pace which we would usually run during our summer marathon training long runs, but I felt like I couldn't do it  that day and my legs were tight.  
Unreasonable thoughts: Why do you suck? You aren't going that fast, this should be fine for you. How are you going to run four half marathons in the spring? You should be running more and stop using the cold weather as an excuse. 
Reasonable logic: Maybe you feel like crap because you ran last night and didn't stretch well, then had a few beers and got 5 hours of sleep. If you start running more regularly your speed will come back.  

See what I mean? Then I had a nice Saturday afternoon running errands and stocking up on some food followed by a nap and friend's birthday get together.  I had been feeling good about my food choices and was going to limit my drinking because I knew I wanted to get up early and make a spin class and had to make some food for a Superbowl party.  It ended up being a strange night where I drank way too much, got home late, had a fuzzy morning, and slept through my spin class. On top of that I felt like I was getting hit with a cold and ended up missing the party because I was a sniffly, achy mess.  
Unreasonable thoughts: Why would you act that way and get a little out of control?  What kind of person are you? You know you really wanted to go to that spin class and have a productive Sunday.  You are a ginormous mess. 
Reasonable logic:  You didn't eat enough for dinner so drinking on top of that hit you harder.  Everybody makes mistakes, it's okay.  It's good you stayed in when you felt sick because you have another long week ahead of you.  

I've been trying to lose some weight I put on during the summer when I was marathon training. I hate trying to follow food plans or exercise plans and just want to live and not have those things become stressors instead of stress-relievers in my life.  I was looking at some photos last night from a friend's wedding right after the marathon and was surprised at how I felt. 
Unreasonable thoughts: Look how fat your arm looks, you need to lose some weight. Your face looks so bloated. 
Reasonable thoughts: I just ran a marathon a week before these photos were taken-I rock. My arms are bigger but there's some muscle under there too.  What about my smile and how happy I look? 

I have been wanting to try to get to the gym in the morning because of my evening class and I like having time to cook and relax after work so I can go to bed earlier. I find myself staring down midnight each night and aimlessly clicking on my computer or scrolling through Instagram on my phone in bed. 
Unreasonable: Why can't you just go to bed early and get up early like every one else? You must not be committed to your plans. No wonder why you are always tired and bloated. 
Reasonable: Stick to the plans you have and slowly get to bed earlier.  Focus on unplugging and having dinner prepared ahead of time.  It's okay. 

Overall I had higher hopes for last week, but I can't beat myself when I slip up. I need to love myself-nobody's perfect. I think that having a little breakdown can be okay. I can accomplish anything I want to do. I am in control.  I need to take a deep breathe and reset. 

So here's some small things I'm going to try to do this week: 

1. Go to bed a little bit earlier each night and unplug after dinner.  
2. Create a flexible training plan for my half marathons and print it out!
3. Try to get in AM workouts at least 3x this week.
4. Say one thing I like about myself in the mirror each day. 
5.Continue with some reflection and focusing on my goals each night before bed.  
6. Listen to this song more: 

Do you find yourself focusing on unreasonable thoughts? What do you do when you need to take a step back and reset?


  1. I think every woman has these thoughts every once in a while. It's great that you're recognizing that they aren't exactly the most rational and addressing them head on. It doesn't make it any better that they're still there (and nagging), but at least you can work on shutting them down. You're awesome and I'm sure that you'll be back to your positive, bubbly, kick butt self in no time!

  2. Great post! We are always so quick to have negative thoughts creep into our heads! Great reminder to get back on track!

  3. LOVE this - love your honesty!!! I can completely relate - woke up this morning feeling so crappy after going to town on way too many awesome superbowl foods. I like your plan, I think I will follow suit if you dont mind! AM workouts are such a motivator to me.

  4. I love this post. It's a great reminder that not every day is a good one and we all have our moments where life is hard and we don't feel great about ourselves. I know I have my moments, especially looking at pictures and comparing myself to how I feel I "should" look. I'm really excited to hear your thoughts on the brooks shoes since I totally missed the boat on that one... whoops.

    and if you're looking to get in a morning workout and feel like braving the 6:30am November Project, I promise you'll have the BEST time ever and you won't regret it!

  5. You're definitely not alone in these thoughts. We all have them from time to time, but it's important that you're able to stop and reflect on them like you did. It takes time and practice to truly love yourself and I think you're well on your way. Chin up!

  6. We would never EVER say anything so nasty to someone else, but it's crazy what people say to themselves. Love your honesty (as always). xo

  7. oh man have i had these same convos with myself. we are way too hard on ourselves, it's really unfair.

  8. Good post - we all have those days, some times more than others...think it's great that you could provide a reasonable logic for all your thoughts; important!! Good mini goals - I'm the worst w wasting too much time on the internet at night and not sleeping. :/

  9. This is amazing, Lauren. I've always lived in Southern Ontario which is covered in snow for a good 4-5 months of the year, but this winter is just taking everything out of me. I have been so miserable since I got back from Christmas holidays.

    Working from home makes winter very isolating, so, I'm trying to get our for more than just the gym and groceries each week, am committed to getting a lot of sleep, making good, comforty home cooked meals, and watching a lot of Hart of Dixie and Friday Night Lights on DVD.

  10. It seems like this is the week of people trying to get out of negative self-talk. It's the theme of my Motivational Monday and I know another blogger who wrote about the same thing. Apparently we are all struggling with this.

    You do rock you know. Sometimes negative talk can be positive if it helps us see what we're doing wrong, but the dwelling on it is what kills. Love your goals and I know you'll do great!

  11. oh lordy, i'm the queen of unreasonable. i lot the negative self-talk. it's a big thing I'm working on, too. you are a superstar. xx